fRiEnd first!!!!

its too many for me to tell about this...
in my life, i'm always put my beloved friends at the top.
some said that the most important for our life is our family because they are the origin or the base of our life...
but i don't know why until now i can't accept that "Family First"

I know it's not good for me to state this : " I hate my family"
but this is my feeling right now!!! Arrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn!!!

I realized since my childhood time, I'm not a good son. I did a lot of wrongs and mistakes.. I remembered when my mom need to come and seek my teacher because of some cases that I did in primary school.. I know it is my fault.. I learned that now and I realized about that..

But, i never get enough attention from my parents.. When i get a chance to study in SMK(A) Sultan Muhammad, they just know that I will be a good person because of the school title that is so islamic. They never know what is the real things there.. They never ask how am i there and concern about my life there. They just know to hope that i will be success in my study there...

It's a shit!!! The school totally change my life and I'm not being better as what they hope but I'm stucked in the bad site of my life..

learning is a part of life...

today, i learn a lot of things :
1. what is the real meaning of friends
2. the meaning of love and...
3. the meaning of to be loved and lover.

i don't know why i should post this. perhaps it comes from my heart and what are my perspective about these things.

FRIEND- someone who always be with us no matter in happy, sad or else.. typical answer when we ask people.. Btw, for me friend can be described with a lot of things..

1. ya, perhaps for the true friends are the typical meaning above
2. someone who is the place for us to laugh and enjoy the good things only..

~surely, there are a lot of people like this~
they just want to be with us only for the good time. its nice but sometimes it makes the relationship worse. why am i saying that?? because they are not genuine! be with us to get the happiness and left us for something bad..

3. someone who always pretend to be good but actually they are not...

~ why most people are like this????~

i was involved in a case that make my relationship with some friends going bad.. i don't know why... i love them so much but i feel i am the crackers for their relationship... backstabbing, envy, and all the bad things happen either to me or them..
a day i was called by my lovely senior, a conflict rise between me, him and others.. i don't know what happened to them... i am so sad because they have be a part of my family...

LOVE- its hard to say... as i read diva divana's blog about the crisis happened towards his friend makes me unclear about the meaning of love. but i am agree with him about this statement:

"when the one we love are in front, we never appreciate him nicely, but when he is gone, we realized that he is actually important to us"
and
"do appreciate the love we have, don't always hope and find the perfectness in love, meanwhile forgot that no one is perfect in this world."

TO BE LOVED and LOVER- these are actually the derivation from LOVE..

for me, to be loved is situation achieved when we care and try the best in our relationship and lover is someone that we appreciate the most and share our lifetime with them...

that's for today... so, from friends we have someone special to be our lover and hope to be loved forever...

love,
syazwan syahmiel

sorry...

sorry guyz..
i'm so busy right now.
i will continue later..
thanks..